Hey sorry I didnt update sooner. Its been quite the weekend. With Jason and camping and all that good stuff.
Camping:
So we headed out to the campsite friday. It was me, Mark, Matt, and Matt's boyfriend Shawn. When we got there we unpacked and set up our tents and everything. So after awhile it was night and we were attempting to cook hot dogs (and failing because our hot dogs kept falling into the fire, haha). Later it we were just sitting around talking and then Matt and his boyfriend started making out. So Mark was like "Do you wanna go some other place....?". So I was like "Yah". So we grabbed some flash lights and started walking down some of the trails. Mark said he hated walking through the trees at night so he wrapped his arm around mine so he "wouldn't trip". (haha). We were talking about when he realized he was gay and stuff like that and about coming out to his parents and his first boyfriends. It was a really nice talk. So after awhile we decided to head back to our tent. When we got back to the campsite, Matt and Shawn had were already in their tent. So me and Mark decided to just go lay down in ours. (separate tents).
We had our sleeping bags laid out to form a matress and then we had blankets to sleep under. (So the ground didnt hurt as much). Me and Mark were just making small talk for awhile, then we heard the obvious sounds of Matt and Shawn having sex in their tent. We both laughed at first, but then I started feeling really horny. And Mark was eventually like "Jeeze they are really going at it, its making me kinda horny, what about you".
At this point I wasnt sure if I should give away the fact that two boys having sex made me horny, but I nodded anyway. Then Mark was like "well, maybe I can do something to help, if you wanted....". Instant scare. I didnt want him to know I liked boys yet, but he is a really good looking boy. So I used a more nuetral statement of "what did you have in mind?". After I said that Mark moved over so he was holding himself above me and was like "Oh just some stuff". So I laid back and closed my eyes. It wasnt long before I felt his hand lifting up my shirt. He started kissing my stomach and working his way down. Once he got to my jeans he started to unbutton them, but I was like "Um, actually, I really cant do this. I'm sorry".
Luckily he was really nice about it and was like "Ok, thats fine, I dont want to push you out of your comfort zone. Besides you are straight, its not like I didnt expect you to say that...". I look down and was like "its not really that, its more, I like someone else...". So Mark was like "Its Jason isnt it." I nodded. And he was like "I KNEW IT!!!! I kept saying to people that I thought there was something going on with you two and everyone I talked to thinks there is too!". So I was like "Well he doesnt know and for right now I would like to keep it that way...". Mark was like "Thats cool I understand, so are you gay or what?". I told him I was bi and some of the things that went on with me and Jason. I told him not to tell anyone I was bi. He said he promised because it was my choice to make and he had been in my shoes before.
It was nice to get it off my chest to a real person. We talked about me and Jason until we fell asleep. I slept wonderfully. We left the next day after breakfast and some jokes about Matt and Shawn doing it :P
Jason:
After camping, I was seriously missing Jason and wanted to talk to him so bad. After all I dont get any reception where we were camping so I couldnt call him. So the first thing I did after going home and take a shower was to call him up and ask him to hang out. He said that sounded good. So he came over and we were just haning out, watching a movie. I asked him if he went and saw Brooke. He said that he didnt, he had just hung out at home. I was happy to hear that at least. So after awhile I grabbed and held his hand, like we had done the week before. He looked at me and I was just like "I like holding your hand." He said "I really like it too. And I really just like being with you" and then he leaned in and gave me a kiss right on the lips!!!!! :D :D :D :D
It was by far the best kiss I have ever had. He was gentle and his lips were soft. MMM it was perfect. But it didnt stay perfect for long.....
After he pulled back I was just like "Jason. I've wanted that for so long." and he just looked at me and then I saw his eyes getting teary and he was like "I have to go." and just walked toward the door. I was like "WHAT?! Don't go, whats the matter?" and he was just like "I just need to go" by this time I could see tears on his cheecks. He got in his car and drove away. So I went back inside and just broke down crying.
I texted him later and he was like "I just need to clear my head. I'm sorry".
I think I just ruined everything.
-Archer.
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8 comments:
oh man... i dont think you ruined anything...
He leaned in and gave you a kiss... he is probably just very confused and is having trouble coming to terms with things. It will probably take him time, but you obviously have something special together. Just go slow, and give him time.
I'm glad you were able to tell Mark... its important to have someone to talk to... trust me on that. After the shitty weekend I had, Jake has been a lifesaver.
Like AJ said, it's great that you told Mark and you now have somebody to talk to who has already gone through the coming out thing.
You must be worried like hell about what happened with Jason, but you need to give him time to work things out...be patient (easier said than done, I know).
I don't think it will take too long
for him to sort out his real feelings for you.
Anyway, good luck!!
Col
no, you didnt ruin anything with Jason. Amazing that you were able to "hold out" at camp! That says a lot. Like others said, Jason just needs to figure stuff out. But if it comes up, be honest about how you feel.
So I definitely jumped in my chair and started giggling when I read that he kissed you *blushes*
(Good job on the Mark situation! :D)
And you didn't do ANYTHING wrong with Jason, just give him time and he'll come to terms...he sounds really scared. <3
~trapped(inside)
~SN
I don't think you did anything wrong. You just have to let him figure things out. Like the above comments said, HE was the one that initiated the kiss. So you shouldn't be worried about ruining anything. He's just confused. He'll come around soon. I'm sure he'll send you a text back or call you soon ;)
Looking forward to reading more from you. Welcome to the blog world! (not like I'm a veteran or anything. HAHA)
yeah dude, just give him some time to come to grips with himself. I'll be honest, I would probably have trouble dealing with a situation like that myself.
I'm weird like that, and if something happens that startles me/scares me/makes me uneasy, the first thing I do is try and remove myself from it. Its something that I try to work through, but it sounds like Jason might be doing something similar to what I would probably do/have done in other situations.
just wait it out, but don't be afraid to talk to him and stuff. Just say "hey are you ok?" and just some simple, comforting things but dont bring it up again too fast.
idk, just some thoughts...
good luck man
-Landyn <3
I think it's overall good with Jason. Sending positive thoughts your way!
PS -- Come back to PSC! Now!
What happened is sth which is rather normal. It is called inhibition restraint in psychology. It describes the fact, that people tend to have problems doing things which are anthithetic and conflictive to their inherited and learned behavior, i.e. that people have problems to do sth which is widely (or at least by their community) regarded as bad -- e.g. people have problems with killing somebody. Kissing another boy, while being a boy, is also regarded as "bad", "unnormal" etc. Therefore succeeding against his restraint might have been too much to handle for a young person like Jason. OK? So PLEASE don't blame yourself. Be patient.
Patience makes lighter / What sorrow may not heal.
* Horace, Odes, 15
A.G.
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