Talks.

So after Jason finally kissing me. Which I was so thankful for. And then him literally running away. Which I was not happy about, I was finally able to talk to him outside of school. I didnt want to talk to him about it on the phone. Or at school. We still talked at school though. But you could almost feel the tension when we were together. So after school I decided that I should definitely talk to him. So we decided to go the lookout. (For new readers. The Lookout=Our favorite place ever). We were silent almost the whole way there. Once we got there it pretty much went like this.

Me-"So about what happened. I don't know whats on your mind. But I need to know. I dont want to lose you"

Jason-"Archer. I dont know whats going on honestly. I dont even know why I did that...."

Me- "Oh. So where does that leave us?"

Jason-"I dont know. But where ever we are, I want you to still be my friend. What are you thinking about it?"

Me-"Honestly......I have liked you for a long time. I wanted that kiss more than anything...."

Jason-"Oh. Well, I like you too. And in a way thats more than just a friendly way. But I thought it would never happen, especially after you went camping with Mark. I know hes gay and I know he likes you.....I just felt like if I didnt show you, that I liked you, then I would lose you."

Me-"You wont ever lose me, I promise and Mark did try to make a move on me, but I told him that I liked you and didnt want to ruin that"

Jason-"Oh. Thanks. So where are we at? I just dont know if we can do this. I mean, I cant be gay, I only like you, I dont even like other guys"

Me-"Well, I still like girls even though I like you. Do we really have to be any label? I mean, cant we just do what feels right."

Jason-"I wish it could work like that, but you know my Dad would freak, I feel like I've already let him down enough"

Me-"Jason, you haven't let anyone down. You are the most amazing person I have ever met and everyone knows it. You're sweet, nice, and handsome. No one could ask anything more of you."

After I said that Jason gave me a huge hug and kissed me again. It was perfect. Except we held this kiss. It was amazing. Just to feel his lips on mine and then feel his tounge slowly brush mine. I think I actually fell off the ledge and must have died and went to heaven. After we stopped kissing. I was like "So begins our secret life". He laughed and was like "Its ok, as long as its with you".

You guys I have been waiting for this forever. I think my heart is going to explode. I finally have my dream. I finally have him. He is mine. And I am his. We are perfect.

We stayed up on the lookout for awhile talking about how different things would be. And I know they are going to be. But for the better I think. We headed back home and before we had to go separate ways, he gave me a peck on the cheeck and was like "Thank you for being the best friend I have ever had." I blushed and smiled and we walked away.

*sigh*

mmmm


Now I have to do homework.

-Archer.

Sorry for the wait!

Hey sorry I didnt update sooner. Its been quite the weekend. With Jason and camping and all that good stuff.

Camping:

So we headed out to the campsite friday. It was me, Mark, Matt, and Matt's boyfriend Shawn. When we got there we unpacked and set up our tents and everything. So after awhile it was night and we were attempting to cook hot dogs (and failing because our hot dogs kept falling into the fire, haha). Later it we were just sitting around talking and then Matt and his boyfriend started making out. So Mark was like "Do you wanna go some other place....?". So I was like "Yah". So we grabbed some flash lights and started walking down some of the trails. Mark said he hated walking through the trees at night so he wrapped his arm around mine so he "wouldn't trip". (haha). We were talking about when he realized he was gay and stuff like that and about coming out to his parents and his first boyfriends. It was a really nice talk. So after awhile we decided to head back to our tent. When we got back to the campsite, Matt and Shawn had were already in their tent. So me and Mark decided to just go lay down in ours. (separate tents).

We had our sleeping bags laid out to form a matress and then we had blankets to sleep under. (So the ground didnt hurt as much). Me and Mark were just making small talk for awhile, then we heard the obvious sounds of Matt and Shawn having sex in their tent. We both laughed at first, but then I started feeling really horny. And Mark was eventually like "Jeeze they are really going at it, its making me kinda horny, what about you".

At this point I wasnt sure if I should give away the fact that two boys having sex made me horny, but I nodded anyway. Then Mark was like "well, maybe I can do something to help, if you wanted....". Instant scare. I didnt want him to know I liked boys yet, but he is a really good looking boy. So I used a more nuetral statement of "what did you have in mind?". After I said that Mark moved over so he was holding himself above me and was like "Oh just some stuff". So I laid back and closed my eyes. It wasnt long before I felt his hand lifting up my shirt. He started kissing my stomach and working his way down. Once he got to my jeans he started to unbutton them, but I was like "Um, actually, I really cant do this. I'm sorry".

Luckily he was really nice about it and was like "Ok, thats fine, I dont want to push you out of your comfort zone. Besides you are straight, its not like I didnt expect you to say that...". I look down and was like "its not really that, its more, I like someone else...". So Mark was like "Its Jason isnt it." I nodded. And he was like "I KNEW IT!!!! I kept saying to people that I thought there was something going on with you two and everyone I talked to thinks there is too!". So I was like "Well he doesnt know and for right now I would like to keep it that way...". Mark was like "Thats cool I understand, so are you gay or what?". I told him I was bi and some of the things that went on with me and Jason. I told him not to tell anyone I was bi. He said he promised because it was my choice to make and he had been in my shoes before.

It was nice to get it off my chest to a real person. We talked about me and Jason until we fell asleep. I slept wonderfully. We left the next day after breakfast and some jokes about Matt and Shawn doing it :P


Jason:

After camping, I was seriously missing Jason and wanted to talk to him so bad. After all I dont get any reception where we were camping so I couldnt call him. So the first thing I did after going home and take a shower was to call him up and ask him to hang out. He said that sounded good. So he came over and we were just haning out, watching a movie. I asked him if he went and saw Brooke. He said that he didnt, he had just hung out at home. I was happy to hear that at least. So after awhile I grabbed and held his hand, like we had done the week before. He looked at me and I was just like "I like holding your hand." He said "I really like it too. And I really just like being with you" and then he leaned in and gave me a kiss right on the lips!!!!! :D :D :D :D
It was by far the best kiss I have ever had. He was gentle and his lips were soft. MMM it was perfect. But it didnt stay perfect for long.....

After he pulled back I was just like "Jason. I've wanted that for so long." and he just looked at me and then I saw his eyes getting teary and he was like "I have to go." and just walked toward the door. I was like "WHAT?! Don't go, whats the matter?" and he was just like "I just need to go" by this time I could see tears on his cheecks. He got in his car and drove away. So I went back inside and just broke down crying.

I texted him later and he was like "I just need to clear my head. I'm sorry".

I think I just ruined everything.

-Archer.

Jealousy?

So I really dont know how to feel about today. I was talking to Jason and decided to tell him that I was going camping with Mark. (I didnt tell him last night because I was preoccupied with the hand holding :) ). But he did something totally unexpected. He was just like "Oh. Well then I'm gonna hang out with Brooke". And he said it kinda of angrily. Plus he knows that I absolutely hate that girl because she constantly messed with his emotions and is nothing but a slut.

grr....

Anyways....

Me-"Why? I dont think you should be hanging out with her."

Jason-"Well I just know what she will want to do (implying sex)"

Me-"I thought you didnt like casual sex."

Him-"Well I'll take what I can get."

Me-"You know you deserve better than that. I dont like when you just give up what you believe in"

Him-"Oh well. It doesnt matter."

Me-"But you dont even like her anymore, why would you hang out with her?"

Him-"I didnt even know you were friends with Mark, why are you hanging out with him?"

Me-"Thats totally different. Im not just hanging out with him to sleep with him. Why does it matter anyway?"

Him-"It doesnt. Nevermind. I'm sorry. But I have to go home or my Dad's gonna kill me."

Me- "Fine, just call me tonight ok."

Him-"Ok".

He gave me a quick hug and then left. I dont know what that whole deal was about, but I think he might be jealous. Because he only hangs out with Brooke when hes feeling really down or upset and I'm not around.

Also apparently the other boy that is going with us camping is Mark's brother's boyfriend. I guess he is bi after all.

Wish me luck and support for when I talk to Jason.....

-Archer.

P.S. WOW almost 1000 views :D

Just lay next to me

OMG!

So anyway. Jason was sick today. So I decided that I was going to go see him and see how he was feeling. So I went over to his house. So I knocked on the door and let me in. So I asked him how he was feeling and he said he was feeling really tired and out of strength. I had brought him a small pizza and a grape slushy (his favorite foods). So he ate those and I decided that I should probably go back home and do some homework. So when I told him that I needed to go. But he was like "Dude, can you just stay here for awhile, you are the only thing that makes me feel better. We can watch a movie or something."

So I told him I would stay there and watch a movie with him. So we go into the living room and sit on the couch and start watching the movie. After about 20 minutes in. Jason moves his hand over and holds my hand.

I was so happy. I looked up at him. He was already looking at me. We locked eyes for what seemed like forever. I was sitting there totally melting, my stomach was flipping all over the place. After a little while we both just smiled and continued to watch the movie. After the movie was done I had to head home. As I got to the door. Jason gave me a huge hug and was like "Thanks for staying with me, it means a lot, it made me feel a lot better".

We said goodbye and I went home. I must have had the dumbest/hugest smile on my face the whole way home. I have been smiling ever since. My cheeks are starting to hurt. Lol.

I cant believe that happened. Does it mean that he has been having the same thoughts? Should I ask him what it meant or just see where this goes?

-Archer.

P.S. Thanks to everyone who reads my blog and leaves comments. You're support means tons to me. :D

Study Hall

So today in study hall Mark decided to sit next to me. I really like him. He is a very nice boy. He always compliments everyone and is always very polite. He is shy which just kind of makes him cuter. And he has perfect blue eyes. Just amazing. They look like pictures of a galaxy. Its really cool. So anyway he came over to sit with me and this is pretty much how it went:

Him- "Hey whats up?"

Me- "Nothing, I got all my homework done."

Him- "Cool. So how are you?"

Me- "I can't complain my life is going pretty good at the moment"

Him- "Thats good. Hey about that painting I did. The one I showed you yesterday..."

Me- "Yes?"

Him- "Well I sorta based one of the characters off of you....(obviously nervous)"

Me- "Oh, thank you, but why?"

Him- "I dont know, I just think you are a good person"

Me- "Oh. Thanks thats really nice."

Him- "You're welcome. Hey would maybe want to go camping with me and a couple people this weekend?"

Me- "Sure that would be cool, I dont have anything going on anyway"

Him- "Awesome"

So we went on to talk about some more stuff, mostly school and homework. So basically I am going camping friday night with him, his brother, and some kid from a neighboring town. I think it will be really fun. I'm so looking forward to it.

Jason was sick today. So I think I'm going to go over to his house and see how he is doing. I'll update soon :)

-Archer.

Just another day

So summer is going by, I guess I'm just here for your entertainment.
Don't tell me lies, wheres you're guy?
He'll be talking shit till he hits the pavement.
Another number up.
Another day of the week in an attempt to sweep you off your feet.
But they're so heavy and the summers ending and its just not worth the time ive been spending.
They already know.
I'm just a boy in a bed, you've got no time for me.
He's probably what you see when you close your eyes.
So good luck and goodnight and goodbye for lifetime

A newcomer perhaps has entered the scene. Heres the scoop. Today in art class we were finishing up one of our projects. The theme was "Unspoken but from the heart". I did mine of the lookout that me and Jason go to with two figures silhouetted by the sun holding hands.
Obviously it represented my longing for Jason.
But then a kid named Mark came over and asked me if I liked his. It was a picture of a shaggy dark haired boy receiving a heart from a shorter boy also with shaggy dark hair.

Oh btw Mark is one of the few out gay kids in my school.

But anyway, as I'm looking at the painting, I notice that the taller boy in the painting looks a lot like me (The face wasnt drawn on though) and was even drawn wearing a shirt that I wear all the time and the shorter boy was drawn very similar to Mark. I looked at Mark and did notice that he was a shorter then me.

So I was like "Um its really good. The people in it look familiar, did you have anyone in mind?" and Mark was just like "Yah its where I got the idea from". So now I was really curious, I was like "Oh?". And he was just like "haha its supposed to be unspoken you know" and just walked away.

So maybe Mark likes me?

I would be ok with that because he is really cute and has a twin brother Matt (Who I think is bi, but I dont really know him that much)

But my heart is still just for Jason at the moment.

-Archer.

Weekends

Sorry I havent posted in awhile. It was just a busy weekend for me. I am applying for jobs and I am just going nuts with all these applications that I have to fill out. I hate writing by hand. Its so 20th century lol. So after 50 bajillion of those filled out, I decided that I really really really want to get a job at the art shop, its like a place that sells paintings and art and the guy that owns it also teaches classes. I like to draw. Mostly clothes. I love drawing clothes. Someday a designer.... *dreams*.

So of course no weekend of mine is complete without hanging out with Jason. It was quite a nice weekend. It seemed typical. Typical for us at least.

We decided that we wanted to hike one of the mountains that is about 20 mins away from my house. Its our favorite one, because that was the one we were climbing when we first actually became friends. (It was a school trip, but thats another story) But now that we were older we take the more intense route, rather than the easy one. One thing about living near the mountains is in the fall, everything is like it fell straight out of a fairy tale. Perfect trees, perfect weather, perfect blue skies. Perfect Days. We were hiking about 2 hours in, when it started to get hot out. So much to my torture (and delight :D ) Jason decides to go shirtless. I love that boy shirtless. He is so toned. But naturally, he never lifts weights and I have never seen him do a crunch in the entire time we've known each other. Its like he just barely moves and gets ridiculously fit. mmm.

So after our hike we were shot and just decided to go back to my house. Of course the house is empty. My dad was on business somewhere in Cali and I never quite know where my mom goes. Oh well. Just more house for me and Jason to be alone in :D. We were both really tired. So we just decided to watch Iron man. I love watching movies with him, because in my room you have to lay on the bed to watch movies. haha. (Intentional). I usually am behind him. Half the time I dont even watch the movie and just look at him. I am in love with his hair. Its perfect and so blonde. I always just want to touch it.

When I look at him like that, I just play out all those scenarios in my head. Of me telling him and him loving me back. And how we would have the perfect first kiss.

After that we were so tired from hiking that we decided that we should just go to bed. So we changed and laid down. When we sleep he is always behind me because I face the wall and so does he, which is nice because its just the wall then me then him. It makes me feel warm and safe.

Like I said we tend to cuddle up when we sleep. So as we are resting there he put his arm around my chest. (Melt). And we were just talking and somehow we got on the subject of secrets. And we were saying something and Jason said "Thanks for always being there for me when I need you, I'm glad that you know everything about me and we can still be this close" and when he said that he put his fingers in between mine. (Super melt). So I was like "And I always will be, you are my best friend and I love you". He didnt say anything he just gave me a small squeeze hug and we didnt talk anymore and we both just fell asleep.

I know I should have said something. But in moments like that. I just feel like everything is ok. I just want him to be there with me. With no stress. But now I know I will have to tell him and soon. I want to kiss him so bad. I want to hold his hand more and in public.

-Archer.

P.S. Im spending all my money on wishing wells.

The only two in the world

So today was an interesting day. School is going well and its getting progressively colder. Some of the leaves are starting to change and it adds just the right amount of color to the trees in the forest. Ah fall. It gets so cold but its lovely here. So me and Jason were walking through the forest and it was perfect, the sun was setting, the trees were casting shadows and you could smell the winter slowly approaching. We talked about little things. School, homework, chores, cars, etc. But then we just had a long silence until we reached the looking point. So we were sitting on the rock that overlooks the entire valley and Jason is just looking over at me for a long time. I was looking back. He was beautiful. The shadows of his face were perfectly accented by the sun and his eyes were perfect and sparkling. I could have told him right then I swear if he hadnt said something first. He said "Do you ever feel like its just the two of us? Like we are the only two really in the world sometimes?".

I said "Yes. But I love that feeling. It makes you feel real"

He said "Thats the same way I feel, but about you"

We just smiled at each other and then went silently back down the trail to home.
Just a simple goodnight and that was that.

Some days are just perfect.

-Archer.

Swimming, Love, and Signs

So I went swimming with Jason today after school. It was absolutely freezing! But thats ok because it was probably one of the best times I've had swimming in a long time :D. Let me explain a bit. So as we are riding our bikes to the trail that leads to the lake and Jason just out of the blue says to me "So have you ever been skinny dipping before?". And of course I was like "No, have you?". And hes like "Yah, one time with Brooke (his ex), it was fun, you should definitely do it sometime, maybe invite Alexis (my girl crush) haha". So I was like "When did that happen? And I dont think Alexis would be up to it, shes kinda a prude about stuff". He went on to tell me it happened when I was in the Bahamas in June. So I was like "Well its getting too cold, it will probably have to wait till next summer." so Jason is like "Well, if you want we could today....if you wanted".

So this is the part where I'm about to have a heart attack at the mere thought of it. But he noticed my stalling and was like "its not like it would be the first time you've seen me naked. Its just like the locker room." (Which is true, I have seen him naked on several occasions....Locker room, changing, accidentally walking into the bathroom when he was in the shower, stuff like that).

So I was just like "yah I guess you're right. But its gonna be so cold....". He was like "Thats alright, it will make it feel cooler when you jump in". So as we are walking down the trail I keep getting the mental image of him naked and needless to say I was walking with a hunch most of the way to the lake.

So we finally get to the lake and head over to the spot where we usually swim (its more secluded). And then I start chickening out and am like "I dont know about this....." but Jason was like "Dude, ive seen you naked, and besides then our underwear will be dry when we want to get out". He did have a point. It would have been a really cold ride home if my undies were wet, so I agreed.

Honestly I had been waiting for a day like this forever. And I wondered if he was up to something because he kept telling me that "We need to go to the lake before it gets cold" and "dude we are still going to the lake right. Cause I want to really bad." for like two weeks (Sign?). So now the time had come for me to see him naked, away from people and the politeness that I had to have at his house. I kept wondering if I should make a move.

Now this isnt exactly out of character for us. We do crazy stuff all the time, but we are usually fully clothed when we do it. So this was quite a new thing, even for us.

He was like "I'll get in first. Dont look unless you are gay (jokingly)". So I turn around and hear him undress and jump in. So then I turn around and see him shivering in the water and hes like "Your turn". So I tell him to turn around, so he does. And I get undressed. It was a windy day, but it was still pretty warm out. I had never been naked outside before, it did feel pretty good. So I jump off the rocks and into the water. IT WAS FREAKING ICE COLD! (This turned out to be a good thing, it kept certain things from *ehem* coming up if you will. ;) )

So we swam around for a bit, only about thirty minutes because it was so cold, unfortunately the water is pretty dark so I couldnt catch a glimpse of Jason as we were swimming, because we never really got that close to each other. But as we were getting out it was a totally different story. Jason got out first. Didnt even tell me to turn around. He just climbed out and stood on the rocks getting his towel. I couldnt help but look, this is the boy that I have an undying crush on and he was standing there naked and dripping right in front of me. What would you do?

Jason eventually noticed I was still in the water and was like "Dude are you gonna get out?" and didnt seem to care that I was watching him towel off. (Sign?). So I climbed out and went for my towel, now wishing that the water hadnt been so cold, just in case he caught a glimpse of me......

He was already dressed by the time I was dry enough to put my underwear on. I was like "That is the last time we swim this year. That was freezing, I'm still cold." So he comes over and wraps his towel around my back and arms and rubs up and down and was like "There. You warmer?". By this time I really hope he didn't notice me blushing hardcore. So I got fully dressed. And we walked to our bikes at the end of the trail and just road home. Me smiling all the way!

Sorry for such a long post. But I was so excited!!!!! I probably should have told him right then that I have feelings for him. But I suppose there will be more time. This day almost completely confirms my suspicions, because seriously, does anyone do this with their straight friends?

Comments? Advice?

-Archer.

Jason

I have a crush on one of my best friends. His name is Jason and he is my best friend. We have been friends since grade school. We do everything together and tell each other everything. We spend the nights at each others houses. We play on the same soccer team and we both love hiking outside and swimming in the lakes near my house. He is beautiful. He seems to have perpetual tan (even in winter). He has blond shaggy hair. And is perfectly toned. He is like every girls (and boys :D ) dream. We have always had a weird sexual tension between us. We cuddle and sleep in the same bed when he spends the night. And we wrestle sometimes when we are getting ready for bed (in just underwear). He is pretty much the reason that I like girls AND boys. He makes me question his sexuality all the time. Like one time he said "We should just make out and get it over with" and when I didnt say anything (I was in shock) he was like "haha jk jk.......that would be gay". I wish I wouldnt have stalled and just would have been like "ok!" but thats what I get.

We are supposed to go swimming sometime before it gets too cold. I love swimming with him, we always strip down to our undies and go swimming in the lakes. He is so good at swimming and it takes all my willpower not to drool over him when hes sun drying on the rocks. MMMMM.....haha I think I might be too perverted for my own good.

I just want to make a move.....*sigh*

-Archer

My first post!

Hi! My name is Archer. I am a 16 year old boy that lives in the USA. I wanted to make a blog about my life, because it feels so Hollywood to me. haha. But I just need sort of a journal, to record the things that happen in my life because....

I am a secretly bisexual boy. (Gasp!)

I have always felt that by writing things down I can clear them from my mind. That is exactly what this blog is about. I really want to express my thoughts to anyone that cares to read them without the judgment of the people around me.

So lets start...

I am 16 and have dark brown hair and blue eyes. I am (secretly) bisexual. I am almost 6 feet tall. I really like to draw and sing. I love being outside. I have a lot of forests and lakes near where I live so it makes everyday really an adventure. I am in my junior year of high school. I just got my drivers license but usually ride my bike to where I am going. I have a crush on a boy named Jason. He is amazing, but I will you fill in more on that later. I really want to become a clothing designer. I love clothes. And I love doing hair. I have some very nice friends that I do everything with (they are the best people ever). I run Cross Country and play soccer. My Dad is never around because hes off on business and my Mom is constantly faking perfect (much to my disliking).

My next post will hopefully be about Jason. :D

Feel free to comment, I love meeting new people.

-Archer.